In the first moments of each time of "intense fellowship," I started off with my usual dance steps: defend, justify, and blame. The walls go up and I attempt to stand in my perfection - how ridiculous! Why is it so hard to just admit that we are human, that we mess up, and that we need a Savior? Why is it so hard to be unselfish and get the focus off of our "rightness" and put it on the feelings of another? I haven't figured out the "why," but I am so happy I have recognized these few things.
Well, in looking back, I was able to change my "dance steps," and I hope to stick with the new ones I have learned: ask for forgiveness and change my ways.
The first fight I can't even remember... isn't that usually the case. However, what I do remember is the moment I recognized that my action was not the real problem. The real problem was how I was making my husband feel - hurt. When I reflected on it, I believed that it was actually rooted in disrespect - the biggest command I am given by God to do for my husband. With tears I sought Marks forgiveness and God's as I truly recognize the importance of respecting my husband.
The second time of intense fellowship involved our finances. (Insert fact: did you know that the top three issues in a marriage are finances, communication, and sex? If you have any "intense fellowship" in these areas, you are normal. lol) My husband gently pointed out that I have spent a bit too much on Daniel's clothing this month. After completing my first 3 dance steps (Defend: It really wasn't that much; Justify: He really did need a few more bibs and now we save money on laundry since I can last longer between loads; Blame: Daniel just looked so cute in them), I decided to switch my rhythm and went to my 2-Step, "Mark, you are right. I am so sorry. Do you forgive me? And can you help me as I do struggle with having a new baby to buy stuff for? Can you give me an envelope with a set amount so I do go overboard?"
Wow - such freedom! Yes, FREEDOM! Freedom: noun, the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint. Ahhhhhh! So I guess the other why I have is - why has it taken me so long to form a habit of the 2-Step. I wish I applied it to all of our intense fellowship in the past. It's so good to be forgiven!
"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered."
1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."